American Horror Story : Coven — as beautiful and bighearted and tatty and completely bat dogshit mad as it was — had no fucking clew how to end . And that ’s a damn shame . Spoilers ahead …
What came first ? The Seven Wonders finale showdown , or Stevie Nick ’s cameo declaration ? I would n’t be surprised if this series was written like an old timey newscast , where some uppity reporter is hurriedly jotting down the bullet points of break word , and stuffing them into the anchor ’s hand : “ This just in … Misty Day is …… . dead . ” NOW ACT EVERYBODY , ACT !
Last class ’s Asylum was also entirely TOO MUCH — but the show still managed toweave together an impressive tributeto Geraldo Rivera ’s virtuoso - devising exposé ( which was both a compliment and a shaft to the main fictional character ) . Somehow between the alien abductions and Nun possession , they put together an harebrained closure worthy of the preposterous season that arrive before ( mostly by sweeping the whole alien storyline under the carpeting ) . woefully , Coven simply could not pull its shucks together .
https://gizmodo.com/american-horror-storys-season-finale-a-bloody-brillian-5978889
Coven never knew what it wanted to be . A fib about a youthful lady friend who was disgorge out of her home , only to regain solidarity in her unique abilities ? A decades old rivalry between immortal witch and dissimilar magical sect of New Orleans ? A brutal mother and girl human relationship ? This series was all these matter but really none of these things — because none of these storey channel had metre to breathe . Buried under gratuitous deaths and Resurrection of Christ , a nonsensical witch - killing society that served zero purpose ( but to kill the random plotline next door ) , and a ghost who collect dolls and idle bodies .
I was positively giddy when this serial tricked me into thinking that these girlfriend were go bad to put aside their differences and start work together . at long last , the wizard sisterhood that construct witchcraft so much fun . But instead , the Coven continued to rend itself apart , killing off member after member with deaths that felt more like afterthoughts than grand exits . Then bulldozing whatever violent act had just occurred , with another newfangled secret plan pointedness . There were certainly moments of grandeur hidden in this finale . If there ’s one thing this show sleep with how to do , it ’s daydream up one beautiful absurdity after the other . But the last failed at make me care about the overall season .
But permit ’s break it down bit by bit , shall we ?
We begin with a wholly jarring Stevie Nicks XC music video ! I was half look “ utter Yourself ” Madonna to show up and originate cat crawling through the billowy curtains . Yikes , that was date . But I guess when you get Stevie Nicks , you must use Stevie Nicks . Even if it have no ordered sensory faculty at all . Did Nicks just fly back to New Orleans to hand out extra shawls ? “ Do n’t cerebrate about it , just go with it , ” seems to be the catchword for this conclusion .
Do n’t get me wrong : I bed take in Stevie Nicks wear a fabulous hat and mouth - sync classical tunes to a crotch tracking photographic camera angle . She is THE BEST . But when the TV cut to the title it was like discover a loud tempestuous demon fart cut off clayware class pickle session . The medicine video had no earthly business being there . I one-half expect Denis O’Hare to crop up up out of the corner , shrug and say , “ That ’s My American Horror Story ! ” Womp womp .
After the melodious entr’acte , we ’re back to the beginning ( of the beginning ) of the Seven Wonders . But first , American Horror Story has a very important Last Supper recreation it needed to do , for intellect . GIVE IT UP , YOU GUYS .
Ok , after the free Jesus stuff and nonsense , now the series is in earnest quick to show off the Seven Wonders . For those of you just checking in , the Seven Wonders is a test that a enchantress must pass to prove that she is the rightful Supreme . It is very severe and since this Coven is made up of egomaniacs , ALL of the girls are participate in this deadly visitation , which may or may not result in all of their expiry . But leader Cordelia is fine with killing off the children she was tasked with protecting this season , for the dandy commodity of no one . proficient decisions , everybody .
The mental test stars off comparatively hackneyed . Everyone moves a standard candle around , then they show off their mind control skills . Every witch gets out of these tasks comparatively unharmed . But then we get to the good stuff and nonsense . Each girl must descend into their own personal sin and then return . We ’ve seen Queenie ’s nether region before ( the fried volaille shack ) . Madison is lodge in a resilient idiot box melodious of The Sound of Music ( TIMELY ) . Zoe gets stuck in a never end loop of break up with Kyle ( UUUUUUUUGH ) . But the good hell is Misty Day ’s hell . It ’s genuinely perfect for her theatrical role and another great chance for Lily Rabe to show off her unfeignedly arresting represent artistry . Here ’s the clip :
Dammit , Rabe is so beneficial at this . Unfortunately , these are Misty ’s last moment , and she evaporates into dust … which is ostensibly a thing that happens to witch . Do n’t overthink it — it ’s just what materialise .
What a thriftlessness . What a sententious good day . Remember when we first take on this whole bonkers swamp hag ? This flighty crocodile know mud ogre was supposed to be a circle more than * crumbles into dust * , proper ? What was the stop of even having her on this serial ? So we could have a character who brings other quality back to life ? Oh right , so they could put Stevie Nicks on . This was a middling meh way to go , for a character who had so much electric potential . Even if it was a pretty inspire personal hell .
And the random expiry do n’t stop there . The missy require to unwind after the last expiry , so they take up a secret plan of tag transformation , which leads to a SURPRISE IMPALEMENT of Zoe .
First up , LOL this death . Second , how did they get her down from there ? distinctly this find so the next mental test , Necromancy , can impel the audience to actually give a bullshit about these trials .
Queenie ca n’t fetch Zoe back from the dead , which means she ’s out of the pageant . All that ’s left is Madison . Who , in a somewhat brainy move of utter brattiness , REFUSES . Instead she squelch a fly and brings that back to biography , allow Zoe ’s body rot . Of all the horrible things this eccentric has done , this was by far the infrangible undecomposed . Madison is a completely slimy “ I make things worse ” character in this serial . Alas , she is also the only witch that bewilder any sort of material character exploitation , and it just consist of take in her bad . The last two episodes literally showed her stamping her feet and hollo like a petulant toddler . Queenie learned shit from her stay with Marie Laveau . Zoe ’s biggest graphic symbol instant ? catch a slate to Epcot , campaign away , and then coming back . These girls are the regretful .
And they are all about to get even worse . Out of nowhere , Myrtle Snow turns to Cordelia and says , “ Hey , maybe YOU’RE the Modern Supreme , Gucci , Prada , Pucci ! ” And just like that , it gels that Cordelia is going to be the newfangled Supreme . And it ’s a done passel . Cordie beats Madison and now she ’s the Bos . Cordelia , the witch so unreasoning she could n’t conjure up a single spell until someone separate her to just right now . The witch leader so unqualified she got most of the people live in her house killed . The leader who did n’t know that her hubby was the scion of an international beldam hunting society . Cordelia , the witch so daft she got her sight back , and then STABBED OUT HER OWN EYES on a hunch that maybe her witching gifts would come back , which they did n’t .
I like Cordelia , and I ’m happy she ’s ultimately harnessing her internal qi , but this was kind of a cop out for the Supreme . Personally I was hoping they ALL would be the Supreme . That there would be a newfangled earned run average of lady Wiccan togetherness . That somehow they would all learn to stop being such vapid little teras . It ’s no surprisal that I could n’t eke out a exclusive feel as Kyle every which way strangle the lifetime out of Madison . The overall content seemed to be , “ Kill the tough people and get the good people rule , even if they ’re really bad at it . ” No repurchase , no growth , no fun grey sphere to play about in , just full is good and bad is bad . Looking back , this must be why they killed off Nan ( a very good character ) . Nan was starting to go bad — so as opposed to trying to aid her , or wreak with any sort of moral equivocalness , they killed her .
Does it assist wed up this time of year in a nice little bow ? Yes it does . It ’s wide-eyed and thoughtless and need very short effort to think about . Which is why it sucked even more when Fiona showed up all not dead .
This was a practiced view . Everyone knew Fiona was still alive because Jessica Lange does n’t just die off projection screen . The old Supreme returned to New Orleans hoping to discover the raw leader , kill her , and run out her liveliness force . But when she realized it was her girl , plans changed . Instead Cordie and Fiona have the long coming “ talk ” where Fiona expose that she was n’t a good Mother because “ Cordelia prompt her of her own deathrate ? ” Wait , what ?
OK sure , whatever . I love these actors , and it ’s a joy seeing them together . But god aid me , I could n’t wish . I needed more time with these two . Less fourth dimension with hot , immature Fiona . More time with fail Mother Fiona . But that ’s not how this series played out . Cordie was ship off to the beldam school at a very early historic period . So the only meat we have is the belated - in - the - secret plan bitterness and this final hug of death .
This pitiful parting , which was very honeyed and a kempt way to stop this relationship , only exemplifies the reality that we did n’t really get to lie with these characters ’ relationship that well . Or at least , I feel like I did n’t . Queenie and the Delphine LaLaurie partake more deep personal talks and horrific betrayals than these two . Then you shake off Myrtle into the mix , Cordelia ’s “ substantial female parent , ” and you ’re all mixed up . Fiona lets go of life and moves on , allowing her Daughter to be bigger and grander , and Myrtle demands that she must be burned at the stake for her previous slaying . While they both recall they are both doing something nice , YOU ARE BOTH SHIT PARENTS . And frankly Cordelia is better off without either of them .
So what happens ? Vinca minor burns and squall her last word , “ Cristobal Balenciaga ” because of course she does . Meanwhile Fiona is air to her own personal hell with her Axe Man .
Does this mean that Fiona never loved Axe Man , or is her hell being cleave with Axe Man and not loving him ? I do not roll in the hay , but candidly Axe Man should n’t be given a happy place for eternity because he did vote out quite a lot of mass .
Cordelia decides to take the Coven world , and now everyone knows that beldam are real , or that these squawk in New Orleans are rich and crazy . It was a nice “ Hey , look at us develop ” kind of moment , but the overall motion felt empty . And we did n’t need the “ we ’re hard in the public ” throwaway line in the end . If you ’re going to talk about pseudo political “ living in the open , ” forcible public closeting , talk about living in the open . Do n’t just brandish a cheetah - gloved hired hand at it and smile .
Bottom line , Cordelia should n’t be allowed to have new students . Most of the kids she was in billing of protect died . How is she going to keep all of these girls alive ? Oh right , she killed all the BAD people , so that ’s why . Let ’s hope none of these new girlfriend are “ bad mass . ” Or this Coven is fucked .
Overall this season was a collection of fantastic second , string together by whole sight of “ Huh ? ” Why was Patti LuPone even IN this time of year ? I ’ll happily watch her give outbleach clyster , but after for a while the “ OMG it ’s Patti LuPone - ness ” break off . So all we ’re left with are brilliant moment of insanity ( like watching anOscar winner ’s sever head sing “ Dixie Land ” ) bookended with gorgeous sets , and fabulous hats . And that ’s nice , but it commonly makes for a bad finale . Which it did .
https://gizmodo.com/this-is-the-worst-thing-that-has-ever-happened-on-ameri-1477470678
https://gizmodo.com/and-now-kathy-bates-severed-head-will-watch-roots-and-1482674486
This wo n’t be the first time I ’ve called this show “ extremely watchable garbage ” but that term certainly seems to check . While it ended with what seemed like a mirage of fake emotions , I watched every bloody second of it . And to that , I doff my expensive inglorious hat to them .
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